In Part 1 of this series, we defined authenticity. In Part 2 of this series, we explored why we can struggle with inauthenticity. Now, we’ll take a look at some practical steps you can take to grow your authenticity! Let’s dive right in.
1. Foster self-awareness.
Authenticity starts with knowing yourself.
Create a list of what you stand for and believe in. What are your values? What are the elements of yourself that are so true to ‘you’ that you wouldn’t be yourself without them?
What about your strengths? Where do you excel, and what skills have you developed to a high degree of mastery? How do you adapt and change when under pressure or stress? If you see yourself exhibit patterns of behaviors, spend some time thinking about where those patterns developed. For example, do you easily make friends in new environments? Or are you someone who is on the constant lookout for ways to optimize your routine? Do you notice that you tend to add sprinkles of art throughout your living spaces? Spend some time thinking about where those patterns developed. Why do you do what you do?
Also consider the different faces of yourself. For example, I am a corporate coach. I also happen to love cooking Korean food and Chopin. If you saw me coaching in a corporate setting, whipping up a storm of banchan (Korean side dishes) in my kitchen, or enjoying a Chopin concert, you would see three different sides of me. They are all me, just different faces. Although some faces may seem contradictory (e.g. I love people and also some quiet time to journal alone), your faces are all used to make up who you are, and you can use them to compliment the circumstances and the people you are with authentically.
And lastly, try to observe yourself objectively to see how you come across to others. For example, if you crack a joke, do others laugh with you, or do they sometimes look a bit offended? If you get serious on a task, do others focus up with you, or do they disengage? Authenticity involves closing the gap between our intentions and our impact, something only possible if you have insight into how others receive you. What is your reputation? What do others know they can consistently rely on you for?
In this process, don’t hesitate to get feedback if needed. Asking trusted friends for their honest thoughts, taking the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator or EQ-i 2.0 assessments, or even conducting a formal 360-degree feedback report can all be helpful tools to growing self-awareness.
2. Identify what you think others want from you.
The more we consciously understand others’ expectations of us, the less likely we will be to inauthentically change ourselves. Rather than just going with the flow of what feels right in the moment, we will be able to begin to make intentional decisions to stand for who we are.
To start, try to name the pressures you feel and the contexts in which you feel them. For example, “I feel pressure to come across as a polished presenter - when I am with the Executive Leadership Team.” In what spaces do you often leave feeling out-of-place or unduly exhausted? When do you feel tinges of social anxiety? When do you notice that you add extra swagger or forced confidence to your words? And most importantly, why?
If you are getting stuck, describe the general culture of the group or organization in which you find yourself acting inauthentically. In what ways is the group or organization different from you? What does the group or organization value and reward that you do not?
3. Identify discrepancies between what you really are and how you have been acting as a result of the pressures you feel.
Compare the two lists you’ve made: the list of who you are from step 1 and the list of what others want from you in step 2. Where do you observe gaps or tension?
For example: “I dislike being pushy, but, in order to please my boss, I have been extremely demanding on my direct reports.” Or: “I have a naturally-critical eye, but the company culture is very sensitive and affirming, so I find myself struggling to stay in my strengths without offending anyone. I find myself beating around the bush way more than I would if I had my own way.”
Those are steps 1-3! These steps focus on fostering self-awareness and awareness of others, but they will set us up for success in the fourth and final part of this series on authenticity where we learn what to do with our awareness. Until then, which step will you focus on?