Everyone knew the position was open. Now, an HR manager has come to announce your new boss. And the final candidate was...a peer? Grinning from ear to ear, Jane stands up from amongst your team and moves to the front of the conference room, delineating herself as your new authority.
You suddenly realize the implications of this promotion. Despite being on equal levels before, you and Jane are on very different levels now. You report to her, and she appraises you.
You congratulate her, of course. But once you all return to your cubicles, what should you do next?
Should you act like not much has changed? Will you still be able to go out for beers next Friday? Or should you embrace the change and distance yourself first? Maybe she expects a new level of respect and professionalism.
Figuring out an appropriate path forward can be both confusing and challenging. Here are 5 key steps to take after your peer is promoted to be your boss, along with why you ought to take these steps over their alternatives. Let’s dive in!
#1: Spend some time (ideally, at least fifteen minutes) in reflection to build self-awareness.
A peer becoming your manager may not always be as simple as celebrating the new change and getting on with work.
You may have wanted the position, and your peer being promoted makes you wonder where you went wrong or what you lacked.
Your peer may also not be a friend, exactly. And suddenly, you’re in a place where someone who doesn’t like you has the authority to evaluate your performance.
Maybe you and your peer used to light-heartedly badmouth your old boss. Will your peer suspect that you will continue to do the same to her?
Even in the best case scenario where you are able to celebrate your ex-coworker’s promotion with sincerity, you may be losing a good friend and a confidante.
All of these complexities come with their own feelings: jealousy, nervousness, embarrassment, sorrow. And those feelings, if left unchecked or unobserved, will drive the way you approach your relationship with your new boss. One of the greatest and most common dangers is a disintegration of mutual trust.
So first, spend some time alone to journal or think through how you feel. Or talk through the change with a close, non-work-related friend. Being able to pin down which emotions are at play will be key to preventing unwanted emotions from sabotaging your new boss, and your own success.
#2: Resolve to achieve your long-term goals.
Once you know how you feel, make a decision on what you really want, long-term, and hold yourself to it.
For example, you might say:
“Right now, I feel really envious of Jane. I wanted that position, I worked hard to grow into it, and I applied for it - but HR decided Jane was more qualified. That feels really humiliating.
“But my long-term desire is to ensure that the whole team succeeds together, starting with a great boss. If opportunities arise for me to passive-aggressively highlight Jane’s failures, I will choose to remain silent or to encourage her to get up and try again. My decision is to pursue a productive, positive, and fun team, and I will not get in my own way.
“I will also use this opportunity to see what Jane has that I was missing so that when another equal position opens, I will definitely be ready.”
Once you’ve made a commitment to achieve your long-term goals, you are ready to launch into action.
#3: Embrace the change, internally and externally.
When your peer becomes your boss, you may want to keep acting the same as before. “Nothing has to change, right? We can still be friends! In fact, working for a boss who was once an informal peer seems great! Goodbye, strict pressure. Goodbye, stuffy atmosphere. Hello, chill boss!”
Unfortunately, that thinking is just not reasonable. To best succeed in her role, your new boss actually needs you to embrace the change, not ignore it.
Why? It may not be that your new boss wants to flex her new-found power by acting aloof. Rather, she needs space in order to effectively exercise her authority.
For a moment, imagine yourself in her shoes. One of her new responsibilities is writing up performance reviews for you, covering strengths and areas for improvements. She also is responsible now for equipping, growing, and developing you.
If she were to remain chummy and informal with you, your performance reviews would be unjustifiably glowing. And you might never receive constructive criticism or a challenging task, as those might jeopardize your relaxed friendship. What would that do to your learning and future career progression? Would your new boss be doing you a favor or a disservice by making things indefinitely easier on you? What about the rest of the team? Would everyone receive the same, constant thumbs-up, or would rumors of favoritism start spreading?
Trying to keep things the same as before is asking your new boss to act unfairly.
As a result, even if she also dislikes the change, your new boss is likely to pull back a bit to a professional distance. Rather than fighting this, you can help.
To do so, acknowledge the change, first for yourself internally and then also for her externally. You can say something like, “I’m looking forward to getting to know you in your new role,” or, “I’d love to meet with you to discuss how I can help support you in our new relationship.”
State openly and out loud that you intend to work well with your new boss. Set a clear expectation that you respect her authority. Whether your new boss is a friend or a past rival, these encouragements are guaranteed to relieve her of any worries she might have had about her new authority. If she had felt the need to force her new power on you, she won’t anymore. You will be helping her settle into her role with ease. In that state, she will be best positioned to lead you and the rest of your team well.
#4: Brainstorm how you can add value and score wins.
With any boss, including a peer-turned-boss, you want to look for ways to add value and score wins. Ask the same questions to your peer-turned-boss as you would to any boss:
What is your preferred work style?
What is your personality?
What are you being held accountable to accomplish?
Where do you spend the most time each day?
How does my role affect you?
Remember that with the promotion comes a change in your relationship dynamic. Even if you’ve worked alongside your new boss as peers for years, you should still ask these questions, as the answers to them will look different in a new context.
Then seek to align your strengths with your boss’ needs. How can you score quick wins to build momentum? How can you set yourself up to hit long-term goals? In what ways do your unique abilities naturally compliment your boss’ blindspots?
The good news? You can really leverage your old relationship in your new relationship. For example, if you already know that your boss absolutely hates working with details but you rather enjoy them, you can offer to take on those pieces for her or give reports a final edit. Or you may have heard your new boss vent about how she dislikes being interrupted while working on something. Even before you’ve started working together, you know to schedule meetings or email instead.
Use what you know. Build trust fast by adding value and anticipating needs. When your boss sees and experiences the ways you adjust to her style, she is more likely to do the same to you. Soon, you might find that you have a stronger relationship with your boss than you’ve ever had before.
#5: Set yourself apart by being honest and sharing regular feedback.
Anyone in authority can tell you the truth: getting prompt reports of bad news is tough. We all naturally fear being “shot as the messenger”, especially if we are the source of the bad news in the first place. And the flipside is also true: flattery easily finds its way to leaders with influence.
With any boss, you should be honest about your mistakes. But if your boss was once a peer, this is again a case where you can powerfully leverage your old relationship for mutual wins. You start from a foundation of trust with your boss, so your connection to each other is less likely to be toppled by failures or negative announcements. You also know how and when to approach your new boss with concerns:
In front of others or in private?
Sandwiched by compliments?
With a set of possible solutions?
In email or in person?
Use that to your advantage. Skip the flattery, and instead get into a habit of sharing regular feedback of the good and the bad. Your boss will be grateful that she has someone she can trust, who she could trust from the very beginning.
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Those are the 5 key steps! Which of them resonates with you the most?
If you have any follow-up questions, feel free to contact me at megan@ryancbailey.com. Always happy to connect!